March | In Your Dreams
A DREAM COLUMN
I’m pregnant for the first time and I’m having a lot of dreams about it. In the latest one, my cousin and I are both expecting, and someone throws us a big baby shower. Everyone is fawning over my cousin, and no one remembers that it’s my party, too. Eventually I get jealous and have a big meltdown that everyone is ignoring me at my own event. It’s strange because I don’t enjoy being the center of attention usually. Deep down, am I a secret attention hog?
Congratulations on your growing family! How thrilling to be on the cusp of a new era of life, about to take on a new identity and hard launch a whole new human being. It’s not surprising your brain is working some of this transition out in your dreams. That’s a lot of change at once, as we surely don’t have to tell you.
Attention hog is a fun phrase, like a pig with theater kid energy. There is a lively corner of this world for such people, who want all eyes on them, but we can’t imagine that’s a trait you’ve been unknowingly suppressing. And that’s not quite what we’re getting from you in your dream anyway. We don’t behave in dreams like we behave in real life, and getting upset because you’re isolated at a party where you are meant to be a guest of honor feels like a reasonable reaction, tame even by dream standards. Those party people were jerks!
We’re just catching a whiff of self-judgment in the question. What about a more generous phrasing, something like: Deep down, where in my life am I not feeling seen?
Identity evolves as we age, and change evokes growing pains.
Identity evolves as we age, and change evokes growing pains. You are currently integrating a doozy of a new self: MOTHER. There’s just…so much there. On an unconscious level, societally, within your own family and your partner’s, in every movie and song and ancient Greek myth. And motherhood has only grown more complicated to match our complicated society. Finding who you are, or hope to be, as a mother is necessary but also brave, as the world does not tend to give women much grace to ~figure things out~. It’s a delicate time, and important to have a trusted network for support.
You may feel like a burden when you’re the so-called center of attention, but think of it as a way for friends or family to show their love for you via their time, energy, and, yes, money.
As for practical advice, there’s an uncannily easy solve here. You’re in the season of life when people are desperate to (nearly literally) shower you with parties and gifts and onesies stamped with upsettingly cute sloths. If you’re so inclined, this is the time to say yes to a party in your honor. You may feel like a burden when you’re the so-called center of attention, but think of it as a way for friends or family to show their love for you via their time, energy, and, yes, money. (Sometimes you gotta accept people’s love languages where they are.) Just make sure you’re on the same page about what scale event would make you happiest. The people who love you most are dying to celebrate you. Let them and have some fun yourself.
And to close, we will fawn over you, like the party people did for your cousin, because you deserve it. Shhhh, just let it happen: You’re an interesting, beautiful person with great taste and good opinions. How do you keep your teeth so white? You’re going to be a wonderful mom. You’ve got everything you need. Can we get you a lemonade or maybe a pickle? Here, let us help you put on those compression socks…
If you’ve ever woken up from a dream like, what the hell was that?, and would like to be featured in the next In Your Dreams, contact us at dreams@lunya.co with a detailed description of the inner workings of your unconscious mind. We're dreaming of hearing from you.
