A DREAM COLUMN
It’s June, and school’s out, but we’re yearlong learners here at In Your Dreams, so this month we’re talking about the amygdala. Located in the brain’s temporal lobe, just above the ear, the amygdala is responsible for regulating emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. It’s also very active in dreaming, with more activity correlating with more vivid dreams. A recent study showed that folks with damaged amygdalas had shorter, simpler, and more pleasant dreams, to which we say, congrats to the team. But it also suggests a chicken-or-egg type question: Do your stressful dreams turn on your amygdala, or does your amygdala make your dreams stressful? Does it even f*cking matter if either way you’re having a stress dream? The world may never know.
Let’s check in with this month’s dream and see what amygdala activity we can unravel…
In this dream, my closest friend, who in real life is married to a lovely man Nick, is dating a guy I hate. It seems really serious really fast, and there’s something about him that I don’t trust. Not to mention the fact that in the dream she’s still married to her actual husband. “What about Nick?!” I scream when she tells me that she and the evil guy just eloped. But she’s gone ahead and pulled the trigger, willingly it seems, though I can’t tell how happy she is. Then, they drive away in one of those Just Married cars, and I realize this means the trip she and I were supposed to take together is now solo, and I have to spend the next week alone in Italy, doing all the things we were supposed to be doing together. Poor me, I know. Thoughts?
MAYBE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, OR MAYBE YOU’RE JUST WORRIED ABOUT THE POTENTIAL AND YOUR UNCONSCIOUS IS PLAYING OUT A WORST-CASE SCENARIO
Not just thoughts, but thoughts and prayers, my friend. Sorry to hear you were forced to spend a week by yourself in the most beautiful and delicious country on earth. Your strength is enviable.
But really, we know what you mean. There’s no shortage of media hailing the expansive, self-uncovering gift of traveling alone, particularly for women (see: Wild, Eat Pray Love, Under the Tuscan Sun, Instagram…). But the joy of a trip with a beloved travel partner, that’s something else. That’s someone to witness the magic with, or to push you beyond your usual scope, or perhaps to bail you out, depending on your style. It sounds like a lovely friendship.
Plus, you like her husband? What a win. Things don’t always work out that way.
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Let’s assume this evil guy, as you say, represents something less literal than your friend’s secret desire to explore polyamory. (Beyond our scope! You do you, and we’ll mind our business and stick to googling Jungian archetypes.) He might stand for something specific, but regardless, for you, he’s operating as a creator of distance. He’s something you don’t understand about her, a choice you can’t quite get your head around, which might be a new feeling. And if you’re suddenly, newly misaligned, your unconscious seems to be asking, what does that mean for the future of your friendship? We’re reading some fear of being left behind here.
Check in with any anxieties about change right now. Maybe this is actually happening, or maybe you’re just worried about the potential and your unconscious is playing out a worst-case scenario. Friendships naturally ebb and flow over the course of life. Even within the most compatible relationships, people grow and change and hit milestones at different times. Life is change, babes. Those adjustments can be tough. Sometimes we try not to notice it. And then, just when you get used to the new way, it switches things up on you again. (Our cue to say, we love therapy for detangling feelings like this.)
But we’ll remind you that true friendships are durable. They evolve along with the people participating in them. When life finds a new shape, so does the relationship. And while some things may be lost, you don’t know what the other side of this evolution looks like, or how you’ll be different, too. Things may be even richer than what you have now.
And if not, if your anxiety is right and you’re heading down two different paths, at least you know your path leads to Italy.
If you’ve ever woken up from a dream like, what the hell was that?, and would like to be featured in the next In Your Dreams, contact us at dreams@lunya.co with a detailed description of the inner workings of your unconscious mind. We're dreaming of hearing from you.
